Note to self: must do better at parenting in 2012. In the last few weeks, there have been a series of unfortunate incidents that reflect badly on my parenting skills. First, the rotter’s stick insect, Georgie, was found dead one morning in her urban jungle. It wasn’t obvious at first, as stick insects aren’t known for their vast repertoire of movements, but after a few days of close observation, Georgie was buried under the magnolia tree in a domino box, which I thought was a very imaginative coffin.
The rotters then duped me into buying them three fish and a rainbow coloured bridge to aid their grieving process, but sadly they have not been a success. One by one, we have found each fish hiding under the bridge and the following morning, they would be dead. The rotter’s have lovingly named it ‘suicide bridge’ and checked every morning to see who was next. This weekend, the third and final fish died and we conducted a funeral around the toilet. I have decided that we can no longer be responsible for looking after animals, as they all arrive in good health but seem to meet an untimely death.
The next incident involved the tooth fairy. The tooth was lovingly wrapped up by the big rotter, placed in a sparkly purple purse and placed under her pillow. As I woke up the next morning, my heart sank when the big rotter came rushing in to report that the tooth fairy had not come – this had never happened before. She left a note that night which said (verbatim): ‘Dear touth fairy, am quite upset with you. You did not come larsnight so can you give me duble – that means £2 please.’ The tooth fairy monitored her gin intake that night and duly delivered on the promise – phew.
The final parenting blow came with the return to school this week. I decided to clean out their school bags as all conscientious parents should and found a party invite for the big rotter. Thinking I was being well organized and ahead of the game, I replied, only to find out that the invite was for 2011…
Ah well, on the bright side, the school dinner money is up to date so far this term and I remain optimistic for good parenting for the rest of the term. My optimistic outlook could be a matter of life or death, according to Harvard Scientists who found that people with a sunny disposition are far less likely to suffer heart attacks or strokes.